roaming_kate23

Misheard lyric:
Oh yeah,life goes on, you don’t have to be afraid of a 12 inch dong.

Actual lyric:
Oh yeah, life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone.

Misheard lyric:
Cocksucking knife.

Actual lyric:
Cuts like a knife.

Now..to the jokes:

My son was chewing on an electrical cord.I had to ground him.

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter?Pretty nuts, right?

Two electric windmills are hanging out.One turns to the other and says “what kind of music do you like?”Hw says “I’m a huge metal fan”.

Misheard lyric(Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)

Misheard lyric:Spare him his life from this warm sausage tea.

Actual lyric:Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

(Mmm..warm sausage tea.)

Now for the jokes:

A woman tried to cut her husband’s penis off but she stabbed him in the thigh.They charged her with a missed the weiner.

6:30 is the best time on the clock.
(Is it?)
Hands down!

Icy is the easiest word to spell.
I see why.

What are chocolate’s pronouns?
Her/she.

Shouldn’t boob sweat be called “humidititties?”

I got down to one roll of toilet paper which is unusual for me(especially since we ALL learned from the great toilet paper panic of 2020,lol)

Here’s the thing:
I had to buy a noon-preferred brand.I am a toilet paper snob.There,I said it! Quilted Northern is my preferred brand and has been for a while now.Is it more expensive?Yes, but it lasts quite a bit longer and I’m the only one using it.Also, it does the job that I want it to.

I’m no fan of what I like to call “no ply” toilet paper.

However,in some cases(like on cruise ships) it’s a necessity.But public bathrooms?Come on!

The Eagles,Take It Easy:

ML(Misheard lyric):

Lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my brother, she’s so hard to find.

AL(Actual lyric):

Lookin’ for a lover who won’t blow my cover she’s so hard to find.

….😀

The Pogues, Fiesta

ML(Misheard lyric):Amarillo once again.

AL(Actual lyric):Almeira once again.

There’s a story behind this;I heard the song at a Jesus And Mary Chain show and wondered what the song was. I was going by my misheard lyric when I would search for it.

(Not sure why I thought someone would pronounce “Amarillo “ as “am a ree ohw” when it actually is pronounced “am a rill ow(like “pillow”.)

For the second time ever Russell Crowe is playing a exorcist.He has that prematurely grizzled look.*

I’ve heard it said (multiple times)that he should play Steve Bannon.YES! He is Steve Bannon’s brother from an an Antipodean mother!

*Crazy when you consider that Max Von Sydow was *43* when he played Father Merrin . Yep.That’s a LOT of old man makeup!

Childish Gambino, This Is America

Misheard lyric:Underpants underpants .underpants.

Actual lyric:Hunnid bands hunnid hands  hunnid bands.

(what’s a “hunnid  band?” $100,000. In case you were wondering.)

Video about things that will get you thrown out of Disney parks. Thr second one..

”Weaing clothes”..

For context they mean clothes that are long,as they present a tripping hazard
(Though I do wonder with everything  going on like the beer virus and how expensive tickets for Disney parka are now how true that is.)

The comments were comedy gold:

”Hearing “wearing clothes” *without* context”..
(SAME.)

”I just won’t wear anything at all”
(Disney just turned into a nudist resort..)

”Hope it’s not cold or sunny then”
(Never been to Disney World but I  have been to Disneyland more than once  on HOT days.)

“Disney is officially clothing optional”.
(I just got a mental image that no amount  of brain bleach is gonna remove.) 

I got a glow up* and it high key** looks fire ***

*Makeover

**Think it looks really good

***Really really really good.


Just heard the new TSwift song and it slaps* I saw  her live and it was LIT**. Her performance as on fleek***.

*Really good

**Also really good

***On point

For someone who makes all his money  from gritting ,TM is very bougie* He has so many weird flexes**.It’s very sus***

*Materialisitic

** Showing off(he does that a LOT.)

***Suspicious.

Found some hilarious memes with Queen Camilla that said

To all the side chicks:there’s always hope and a picture of Queen Camilla(seems weird to say that it’s been almost a year already!)

There’s a ton of them:

To all the side chicks:Just believe(LOL)

Camilla is a role model for side chicks everywhere(That is debatable..

St. Camilla:Patron Saint of side chicks.

And a bonus: a coffee cup with a picture of Prince Charles that said “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince”.