roaming_kate23

I spent a couple of months two summers ago on a mission to listen to music from every single country on earth. That was fun, and actually quite a challenge! It's difficult to find music from some of the tinier countries, let me tell you! Anyhow, the above song is one that I found from Congo, and it really stuck with me. Felt like sharing it.

I don't really remember my dreams last night, unfortunately. Nothing interesting, anyhow. This morning I went and filled the van with gas. It's been acting up and doesn't really love cold weather; part of that is probably the fact that I usually don't have a ton of gas in it and I let it sit too long. The lines might be freezing. It's never a small dent in my bank account when I fill that thing up! Oh well.

Preparing for winter storm, now. Going to replace one of the rotten supports for the car port. Carter has anxiety that the weight of the snow and ice might finally bring it down. Should be easy to put up another post, though. I will do that this afternoon after grabbing some other last minute supplies. Tomorrow I go to see my parents and brother, narrowly squeezing in a dinner date before it starts snowing its ass off. I hope my van can handle the bitter cold. It doesn't have heat so that'll be a fun drive for me, but eh. I'm used to bullshit.

I've finished work for the week, going to mail it off later. That leaves me with a couple hours to do whatever I want. Maybe I'll scan some pages from my sketchbook and possibly draw something new. I've been trying to keep a habit of it. Art is my job, but the art I do for work isn't my whole passion. I can't share it since it's under NDA. So one of my goals is to make sure I keep making my own art on the side that I can share from time to time. Stay in touch with the reason why I became an artist to begin with. It wasn't just to make money, though that was definitely a goal.

Current Mood: okay

anais_pf posting in

thefridayfive

These questions were written by

destined_dreams.

1. What type of hair do you have? (Thin, Normal, Thick, Frizzy, etc.)

2. What color is your hair currently?

3. What colors have you dyed/highlighted your hair?

4. If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be?

5. What is your hair's length?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!

asmanydogsaspossible

I dreamed I was wearing the old costume, the flat cap with long coat. I had long hair in the dream which was unusual; it felt symbolic of a lack of self care/attention. I felt energized within myself, and I was doing funny, amusing things and making people laugh. I was exploring a place that felt like a mall/school. There was a point where I had to sneak through a tight tunnel that was inside of a school locker; basically a tall, narrow opening. I had some sense that I was in Japan, maybe. Or just that there were a lot of Japanese food vendors in this mall food court. I was looking at various sushi on display, but I didn’t speak any Japanese so I wasn’t sure how to ask for it. I felt shy so I just avoided trying to ask. At some point I wandered into a closed up ballroom/cathedral/stage area. It felt grand and massive. It was dark and empty, unused. I was captivated by the impressive space. Being in it alone, in the dim light, was oddly peaceful. Then I noticed there was a balcony and I was able to look down over a busy pub. I saw members of my family there, aunts and uncles. They saw me and pointed and waved. I made my way down there. I saw Sharon, who was with a woman, and the woman asked me how long I’d had that hat. I told her I’d had it over ten years, they are sturdy hats, and she should get one.

I woke up from the dream and I felt good. Like, wow, I haven’t had a dream with the coat and hat in a long time. Maybe years. It's hard to believe that 2020 was years ago at this point. I feel like that was around the last time I had those kinds of dreams. A lot has happened since then. Many changes.

Took an iron supplement this morning. First time taking one. I'm probably just being overly hopeful but I actually feel a little more genki this afternoon than I usually do. I may also look into trying iron patches since I learned that I shouldn't be taking it with dairy, which I did this morning. Oops.

Today is warm, sunny, pleasant. The calm before the storm. Winter is coming. How many more cliches can I put in here? Seriously, though. I'm in the "prepare to..." swatch of the country that is about to get walloped by a winter storm. It might legitimately suck for the next week or even longer if it stays below freezing. Which it seems like it's going to, ugh. I left upstate NY to get away from this shit, haha. Alas.

asmanydogsaspossible

Dreamed about folks from high school, weirdly. It's been a pretty long time since that's happened. I used to dream about Kendall all the time a decade ago, but that has basically stopped. In the dream Kendall had done some background vocals on a japanese rock/pop album that was being released and there were promotional stickers. I bought some of the stickers and she seemed pleased and maybe a little touched that I was supporting her. At some point I was in a van with a bunch of people from high school including Tara, Lauren, and Kendall. Kendall was commenting on my clothes, being a bit judgemental, saying I should dress more professionally. I had on a shirt with a print of a wolf and some autumn trees; a rather striking and beautiful print. I looked at Kendall with shock on my face, exclaiming that there was no fucking way I was gonna remove this remarkable and amazing print and if anyone else has a problem with it they can shut their soulless trap. Felt good to say that. Kendall actually seemed to be a little impressed with my confidence and she backed off. Too bad I never had that confidence back in the day.

I did not sleep much last night. Just enough to have that dream, but it was very broken sleep. This happens sometimes. Despite that I actually don't feel like complete shit this morning. Who knew.

Carter asked for 100 dollars extra for the electricity bill, which is fine. Though I asked if he noticed that I was already sending him 50 extra each month. I wonder if that came across as me acting like I didn’t want to give him the 100. Oh well. I made sure he knew it didn’t bother me and I sent it to him. It’s going to be pretty expensive the next couple of months. Next week is going to be in the teens all week. That’s unusually cold for this area and they’ve already been jacking up energy prices and putting caps on the thermostat. We have it set to 62 and they keep remotely lowering it to 60 due to strain on their system, I guess. I actually don’t have any complaints about this. I legit love a cold house (within reason). I spent the last decade in frigid winters with little to no heating so I’m used to it, I know how to dress, and I’ve come to enjoy the cold. Of course I don’t want the house to be 32 degrees, but 60 is plenty fine. I don’t even open the vent in my room so it stays five to ten degrees colder than the rest of the house. My room is on the second floor so the heat rises, anyway. Probably good for insulation and keeping the bill down. My room is currently 54 degrees. Fuckin’ love it, man. What I don’t love is when its 100 degrees. Screw that noise. Summer is hell.

Might be a blizzard this weekend. I'll believe it when I see it. But more reason to get my work done and shipped before this weekend, haha.

Painting a dog in a birthday hat and suit. Had on a talk by a Buddhist nun, Gen Kelsang Gomlam. She mostly talked about death and being a hospice nurse. My lunch was a large raw carrot, a chunk of unsweetened baker’s chocolate, the last of a cup of hot coffee, and a can of sardines with old bay spinkled on them.

I chose a doctor! Wow! First time I've had a doctor in like a decade. Now I actually have to make an appointment, augh. Augh. But I'm going to do it. I need to do some basic cancer screenings and all the other basic shit people my age are supposed to do.

asmanydogsaspossible

Dreamed random shit that I don’t remember well, but as has been the norm the past several nights, Jack has been in the dream just hanging out with me, us living together and making mundane decisions about things. Relatively boring.

Woke up tired, not as bad as yesterday, though. Took my supplements, walked the dog, pounded coffee. Feeling kinda alright by the afternoon, working, etc.

Speaking of Jack he called today to tell me he was having a cigarette break at the very first shift of work that he managed to get from Labor Ready. I’m proud of him, I guess, though he told me he’s already got in trouble by propping the warehouse door open. Wonder how long he will last. He isn’t good with rules. Jack’s endeavors usually amuse me, but having a few thousand miles between us is fine. A decade of trying to negotiate life with him was good enough, I think. Yeah, I still care about him and I want to be his friend, but it feels kinda like an ill-starred thing at this point. Ill-starred thing. That describes so many of my relationships and friendships. It’s pretty annoying. I kinda just need some average-starred things, or even some good-starred things.

I’d like some inspiration too, please. An artist/musician without that is pretty sad. I’ve managed not to go dormant completely, which is good. It feels like a battle, though.

Watched an interview with Peter Barakan on youtube. Japanology Plus is a show I really enjoy so it was interesting to get to know the host better. He’s actually really cool. He recommended an album, “Kaira” by Toumani Diabaté so I’m going to listen to that while working. Might write more later, we'll see!

journeyofdaor

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asmanydogsaspossible

I woke up feeling so fucking tired, god damn. I want to just sleep for 1000 more years. What the fuck. I’m sick of this shit. It’s not normal for me. One day maybe I should just sleep as long as I want. I know I’ve said that before. I just can’t allow myself to do it. It would be a moral failing to sleep past 10 am! Haha. This isn’t just normal tiredness, though. Seriously. I need to figure myself out. I’m giving the supplements two weeks. I need to go to the doctor anyway, though. It’s been 11 years. If I drop dead tomorrow I'll have no one to blame but myself!

Someone tore up the trail with a 4-wheeler again. And I mean legit tore it up. Donuts, purposeful fuckery. Kids will be kids. Though I wouldn't be surprised if some other 40 year old did it. If so, hey, I guess I admire their ability to still be an energetic, rock-headed idiot at this age. I guess I'm getting old and crotchety, though, because it annoys me. Now the entire thing is a mud pit and walking through it with the dog is a pain in the ass. There's plenty of other places to tear up where people don't walk. Grumble.

Need second cup of coffee. Need to start work. Maybe I'll add to this entry later!

asmanydogsaspossible

I dreamed about a pond. It was a swamp in a cave. The water was dark and muddy, there was trash, leaves, and other debris in and around the water. I was both drawn to the swamp and also repelled by it with great fear. I saw the beauty in it, and I wanted to get into the water. However I was also very afraid, there was an oppressive feeling of fear and danger, not knowing what lurked in the dark water. If only I could clean it up and remove the suffocating cave that surrounded it. This marshy pond was meant to be clean, beautiful, under the sky.

This felt like a metaphor for my own soul, or something.

Got a new work order today. Priming and drawing.

I have on NHK “Journies in Japan.” I really love public television. It’s very chill, pleasant, informative, encouraging, exploratory. Sometimes it touches on troubling topics but somehow does it in a way that isn’t oppressive. The goal always seems to be to uplift and inspire the watcher, to teach them about something niche and connect them with it even if it has nothing to do with them at all. Ancient methods of candle making, jewelry making, dance. Religious celebrations. Natural phenomena. Cooking.

I swapped the switches on my keyboard to quieter ones. Specifically, I swapped “wisteria” switches for “sea salt” silent switches. I didn’t swap every single key since the set only comes with 36. I swapped the commonly used ones (letters, enter, space bar, backspace, comma, period, semi colon, quotations, question mark). They were 16 dollars on sale. The number keys are still wisteria switches. I really do like the silent switches, though, quite nice. I’ll get the rest later. That is, when it starts to annoy me that some of the keys are still noisy.

I smoked weed in the evening. I practiced dance. My imagination has been doing it without me.

There was a special on MPT on about the movie/play Victor Victoria. So I looked it up and the movie isn’t available anywhere free but there’s a version of the full stage play on youtube so I started watching it.

asmanydogsaspossible

Given my username I feel like I should include some photos of my dog! Her name is Taro, she's about 4 years old, and she's mostly beagle and border collie. Here she is loving some recent snow! Cut because the photos are kinda big.
( Pictures... )

Taro's a dang angel. She's the best dog anyone could ask for!

So, today... besides work...

I created this journal! Added a couple backdated entries since I keep an extensive journal locally. Using an online journal seems like a good way to organize and maybe even interact with a few cool people along the way, though! I need to do that, more. It's hard, though. I'm an artist by trade and I work alone all day, more or less. I love my job but one of the downsides is the relative isolation. It can get to me sometimes and I'm not great at voluntarily pushing myself to socialize. I have a housemate that I'm actually friends with so that helps to keep me from becoming a complete hermit but I definitely need to put in some effort of my own to get out and meet people.

I've been back in my hometown for about a year after spending over a decade on the road. I'm glad I'm back, but without some pavement moving under my wheels I sometimes wonder what I'm doing. Am I making progress? What is progress? What do I even want in life?

A few important relationships kinda shit the bed in the past year or two as well. This left me feeling like I lost not only the person but the people/communities I knew through them. It's got me feeling like i have no choice but to start completely over. I don't really know how, though. Being 40 is kind of strange like that. Everyone's got their life, partners, kids, friends. If you haven't figured that out by now, well, good luck buddy.

It's not like I'm totally alone in the world, but I've definitely lost out on some important connections and there is a void left that I don't know how to fill. Some of that was my fault, a lot of it wasn't. I sure know how to pick em, I guess. I still have some hope, though. It's not all bad by any means.

Probably should go to some kind of group event. They have oldtime and irish music jams in this town a few times a month. I know I'd enjoy those. I already know several tunes and I love the music. Meeting people who play would be a sure win. It's kind of a hike to get to them, though, and my van is a rattling, old, gas guzzling behemoth. Yeah, I should probably start thinking about getting a new car. It's real hard to let go of my van, though. I'd lived in it since 2016. I could keep it and get a second car... This is all kind of an overwhelming prospect, though, and I'm sure I'll push it until my hand is forced by circumstances somehow. New car payments aren't going be a thing so I'll end up with another jalopy that needs my constant attention, haha. I guess it might be worth it if it has heat/AC and better gas mileage!

Anyhow. There's some rambling. I feel like it's kind of an introduction, in a way.

asmanydogsaspossible

Went to mail my paintings.

Van started rough and did all kinds of wacky shit when I first turned it over, idling unevenly, etc. This has been happening. I think it’s because I've been letting it sit too much. I think it’s a fuel delivery issue. The lines are totally dry and cold at first. Once I drive it around for even a minute it seems totally fine. And every subsequent start of the day was much more even. I guess I really do need to try and start it every few days and run fuel through it even if I’m not driving it. Annoying.

Bought Mom a sketchbook. For Christmas I got her colored pencils and some adult coloring books since she had expressed interest. But why stop there? So I got her a blank book, too. I suspect she would be a pretty good artist if she let herself get into it! Maybe she will.

Was tired as shit early in the evening and felt myself spiraling into some kind of depressive pit. Smoked weed. Practiced the Dax Riggs song “I hear Satan” on the octave mandolin. Been trying to learn it the past few days. Tried to record it but I don’t think I can make a good version right now. The timing of the melody with the riff is difficult to keep straight. I'm getting it, but it's going to take more practice before I feel like sharing anything. It's one of those songs where I suspect the musician wrote it by playing the parts independently. You know how that goes. Then you have to spend a lot of time actually learning how to play your own song. Agh!

asmanydogsaspossible

Taro had one of her anxiety freakouts early this morning (It was windy outside). As a result I didn’t sleep from like 6:30 am to 9 am while she repeatedly jumped on and off my bed trying to warn me of the dangers. I did finally fall asleep but she woke me up 45 minutes later because that’s when she eats. Now it’s 11am and she is completely sacked out when she normally would have been asking for her walk at 10:30. Dogs!

Today is sunny!

Helped Carter paint his “fridge room” with the same green paint that he did the kitchen with. I did all the cutting in. I’m good at that and I do it clean and fast. I put on some music and we busted the room out relatively quickly. I like the new color a lot. It's bright and clean compared to the dusty, dark, flat rose color that was in there before.

Went to the food store for the weekly shop. I actually felt something while there. Just the slightest energy, presence. A pinch of magic, the way I used to feel. I haven’t felt that in months. When I went to bed I felt it, too. Not overpowering. Subtle. Nice.

asmanydogsaspossible

I decided to create a journal here! It's been a long time since I've used an online journal but I was an avid user of LiveJournal, DeadJournal, Ujournal... Any more journals I forgot about from the earlier 2000's? Heh. Anyhow, if you're seeing this entry, hello.

If I add you randomly and you're like, who's this punk? I'm a random person who decided to try and engage with this website! I don't think I know anyone here, so I've been adding people who seem active and might possibly post about things I'd like to read. I kinda like reading mundane journals, weirdly. Just folks talking about their daily life, maybe the music, art, or projects they're working on. I do apologize if it's uncouth to be adding random folks, feel free to not reciprocate of course.

I dunno what the main content of this journal will be. Me complaining about my problems? Random thoughts? Pictures? Sharing creative stuff? I dunno! We'll see!

If you stumbled upon me at random feel free to add. I'm pretty open in general. I'll probably add you back.

asmanydogsaspossible

Lo and behold, it’s been weeks since I drew anything in my sketchbook, or anywhere (that isn’t work related). Once again, it’s been months since I’ve really been into playing any of my instruments. That’s just how it goes. Chalk it up to a lack of discipline if you want. But it’s a lot of things. A lack of belief, lack of inspiration, lack of magic, lack of love, lack of care. I have the discipline to keep it up for a while through all the other lack. But eventually it’s too dried up to even try.

Intermittent marijuana has kept me intermittently dancing. If I don’t move my body it will die. Likewise if I don’t feed it. Measure out what you must, struggle through it.

Put on a Tom Waits documentary while working.

The neighborhood was very lively today for the afternoon dog walk. Kids running around in groups yelling and screaming, other people walking dogs, things going on. Even the McDonald’s cup (which has lain undisturbed for about two months near the sidewalk in a neighbors front yard with a bit of soda in it) was upturned with its lid off and the soda was spilled on the sidewalk. Wow.

Listened to Tom Waits music all day.

Made my chicken soup in the instant pot. I think next week I might try to make the taco chicken soup. I think I’m clear of the SIBO so I should be able to eat it. Exciting.

Smoked some weed.

journeyofdaor

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anais_pf posting in

thefridayfive

These questions were written by

frieliegh.

1. If you could change one life-changing event in the life of someone important to you, would you?

2. Which do you think is easier to do, being friends for many years, or being life partners for many years?

3. Have you ever walked away from someone you considered a friend?

4. If you had to choose between telling the truth and hurting a friend or lying and making them happy, which would you choose?

5. Which would you rather hear--the truth which will hurt, or the comforting lie?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!